Allah reveals in the Qur’an that believers should be respectful, affectionate and loving toward their parents, and commands them to be protective toward and watch over their relatives. A pure believer is kind, affectionate and full of love in respect of his family and everyone, expecting no reward for being so. However, in the event that any one of his family or his relatives tries to prevent him having faith in Allah, following the Prophet (saas) or living by religious moral values, then of course he will obey Allah’s command and turn his back on the person seeking to divert him from Allah’s path. It is revealed in one verse that:
Say: “If your fathers or your sons or your brothers or your wives or your tribe, or any wealth you have acquired, or any business you fear may slump, or any house which pleases you, are dearer to you than Allah and His Messenger and striving in His Way, then wait until Allah brings about His command. Allah does not guide people who are deviators.” (Surat at-Tawba, 24)
As revealed in the verse, nothing is finer and more valuable for a pure believer than Allah, His Messenger (saas) and striving on Allah’s path.
But hypocrites’ criteria and values are based on self-interest, rather than the Qur’an. This comes out in their familial relations, as in their relations with everyone else. The family is not a holy and sacred concept for the hypocrite, but somewhere that will help him survive, provide him with opportunities and make material means available. To put it another way, it is a gateway to income. Therefore, the reason why hypocrites regard family ties as important, in their own eyes, is self-interest. They imagine that their brothers, spouses, parents or other relatives among believers will regard this bond as important. The fact is, however, that Allah has revealed that the important bond for believers and His approval is that of faith.
In concentrating on family ties, hypocrites do this not because they really love their families, would be prepared to make sacrifices for them or would watch over and protect them, but out of self-interest. When there is no hope of personal gain, they never think of their familial ties, brothers or parents. Indeed, it is revealed in the Qur’an that when faced with the torment of the Hereafter they will willingly give up their children, parents and all they love in order to save themselves.
The bonds between believers and their families are honestly based on love of Allah and His approval. The believer is warm, full of love, protective, loyal and altruistic toward his family, as he is toward all those who have faith. A devout believer will never even say “ugh” to his parents. In addition, as required by Allah’s command, if one of the members of his family tries to turn him from Allah’s path or pressurizes him to engage in idolatry, he will never heed that person, even if it is his mother or father.
Indeed, by citing examples from the lives of the prophets, it is revealed in the Qur’an that throughout the course of history true believers have always left their spouses, children or parents for not believing in Allah, for not living by the moral values of the deen, for engaging in denial or for being hypocrites. For example;
The Prophet Abraham (as) Who Fell out with His Father:
Abraham would not have asked forgiveness for his father but for a promise he made to him, and WHEN IT BECAME CLEAR TO HIM THAT HE WAS AN ENEMY OF ALLAH, HE RENOUNCED HIM. Abraham was tender-hearted and forbearing. (Surat at-Tawba, 114)
He said, “Do you forsake my gods, Abraham? If you do not stop, I will stone you. Keep away from me for a good long time.” He said, “Peace be upon you. I will ask my Lord to forgive you. He has always honored me. I WILL SEPARATE MYSELF FROM YOU AND ALL YOU CALL UPON BEDISES ALLAH and I will call upon my Lord. It may well be that, in calling on my Lord, I will not be disappointed.’ (Surah Maryam, 46-48)
The Prophet Noah (as) Falls out With His Son:
Noah called out to his Lord and said, “My Lord, my son is one of my family and Your promise is surely the truth and You are the Justest of Judges.” (Surah Hud, 45)
He said, “NOAH, HE IS DEFINITELY NOT OF YOUR FAMILY. He is someone whose action was not righteous. Do not, therefore, ask Me for something about which you have no knowledge. I admonish you lest you should be among the ignorant.” (Surah Hud, 46)
The Prophets Noah (as) and Lot (as) Fall out with Their Wives:
ALLAH HAS MADE AN EXAMPLE FOR THOSE WHO ARE UNBELIEVERS: THE WIFE OF NOAH AND THE WIFE OF LOT. They were married to two of Our servants who were righteous but they betrayed them and were not helped at all against Allah.They were told, “Enter the Fire along with all who enter it.” (Surat at-Tahrim, 10)
Allah Commands People in the Qur’an Not to Take Those Who Seek to Turn Them from Allah’s Path As Guides and to Turn away from Them, Even If They Are Their Parents, Brothers of Children:
We have instructed man to honor his parents, BUT IF THEY ENDEAVOR TO MAKE YOU ASSOCIATE WITH ME SOMETHING ABOUT WHICH YOU HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE, DO NOT OBEY THEM. It is to Me you will return and I will inform you about the things you did. (Surat al-‘Ankabut, 8)
You who believe, DO NOT BEFRIEND YOUR FATHERS AND BROTHERS IF THEY PREFER DISBELIEF TO FAITH. Those among you who do befriend them are wrongdoers. (Surat at-Tawba, 23)
You who believe! SOME OF YOUR WIVES AND CHILDREN ARE AN ENEMY TO YOU, so be wary of them. (Surat at-Taghabun, 14)
You will not find people who believe in Allah and the Last Day having love for anyone who opposes Allah and His Messenger, THOUGH THEY BE THEIR FATHERS, THEIR SONS, THEIR BROTHERS OR THEIR CLAN. (Surat al-Mujadala, 22)
