The Psychology of "Marriage" in Ignorantism

In Ignorantism, the marriages begin when young men and women reach a certain age. Their parents now wish to see their children "settled down" and to reap the rewards of all their years of hard work. Unlike mere courting, marriages in the Religion of the Ignorant generally do not begin with becoming naturally acquainted.

Since it is thought that men and women of a certain age need to get married, a number of methods try to bring this about. If people are unsuccessful in this, then it is thought the responsibility falls to their families, relatives and friends. The courting period we discussed earlier is regarded as a step toward marriage. If people make poor use of this, then artificial meetings and arrangements are set up. There are well-known and experts in this field, people well known for bringing young people together. Usually of advanced age themselves, they seek out cultured young people with suitable wealth and attractiveness who live in a suitable part of town. Just about every family knows such a person.

The introductory stage of the marriage period is thus initiated. Once introductions have been arranged, the two sides begin examining each other under the magnifying glass in the manner taught them by their families. The time has now come to repay the efforts invested in them by their families since they were very young. A good marriage is essential, both for one's immediate circle, for oneself and for one's family. Once they have met, if the two sides regard each other's social status, clothes, makes of cars and addresses as suitable, dinner and a date are set up. The process of selecting clothes for this date is rather lengthy. Both parties spend a long time wondering what to wear. Indeed, their friends and family also involve themselves in the process, and the outfit to be worn is a joint decision.

Not much time is required for the parties to be convinced on the subject of marriage. The woman will marry if she thinks that the man is sufficiently well off. The man needs to be convinced that she will represent him properly in business or social circles, and will make a good impression on his arm. An engagement is decided on, which means society's validation of dating.

Right from the outset, insincerity is the distinguishing feature of the whole business. The man stretches his limited means by purchasing flowers and gifs, trying to impress the girl and her family that he is prosperous and generous. Marrying her depends on creating a good impression about his financial means. There is absolutely no hesitation over expenditure in this period, because any costs incurred now will be returned to the couple in the form of a house, money, clothes, and prestige. The family soon sets up a kind of public-opinion poll regarding the prospective bridegroom. Everybody's thoughts concerning him are canvassed. The real aim is to find an answer to the question of Is this candidate well liked by everyone around? Information is obtained about the prospective groom's income level and property, and is shared. If his financial position is sound, then his external appearances and moral values are much less important.

Next the families begin to meet. This is a kind of shopping trip. The girl's family calculate what they will receive in return for her—if this not directly in the form of money, it may take the form of prestige, a house or furniture.

Once the decision has been taken, preparations for the wedding begin. Presents are purchased for the girl. The engagement is organized by her family, who expect a magnificent wedding in return. It's decided in advance how much money each side will spend. A full division of costs is worked out. It is decided which side will pay for what, right down to the drinks. Even if the family's financial situation is not strong enough to meet all its expenses, the family will borrow or sell something in order to discharge its obligation. It is very important at this time not to lose face in front of the others, or to give the impression that either one has no money.

Those close to the two sides keenly await the wedding, when they will be able to eat and drink for free. On the other hand, they also face the problem of buying presents for the bride and groom. How can they get away with the cheapest gift? Those who have something to gain from the couple buy the most expensive gifts, and behave like close family friends.

When one looks at Ignorantist wedding ceremonies, one can observe concern for the deceptive baubles of this world and the sickness of seeking approval of others at the very highest levels. The main objective in staging ostentatious engagement and wedding parties is to put on a show for others. For example, all the neighbors are invited to the opening of the wedding trousseau. The guests then stage exaggerated reactions of how much they like everything. But when they return to their own homes, they generally talk about how poor and useless the objects actually were.

The Wedding Psychology

There are a number of turning points to which members of the Religion of the Ignorant attach great importance. Weddings are one of these. So important are weddings, especially to women, that they imagine that when that day comes, all their dreams will come true. The fact is though, that for many people, their wedding day is most problematic and distressing, because weddings often turn into nightmares due to the tension and lack of submission to destiny.

Not only are the bride and groom and their families calculating their own benefits, but the guests are all calculating their own interests, too. Engagement and wedding parties are ideal occasions for families to find prospective spouses for their own children. They therefore dress their sons and daughters as lavishly as possible and take them along to these events.

Emotional speeches are made at weddings. Some people weep for no reason. Even they themselves do not know why they are crying. Those closest to the family and the elderly weep the most, never forgetting to mention how they personally raised the bride or groom.

The bride's dress and hair preparations begin early in the morning. The hairdresser's bill will be excessive. Everyone is full of joy and generosity on that day. The bride's family tip the hairdresser and his staff with a generosity hitherto unseen, and seek to appear aristocratic and wealthy. On that day, everyone behaves like a professional-events organizer. They shower orders and money right and left. The mother distributes money to everyone for all sorts of things, necessary or otherwise, and the father makes a scene because of that. During this time, people frequently withdraw into corners to weep.

Then it is time for the photographs. People sit down before the photographer in front of a cloth background with pictures of clouds on it, in tones of red, blue and white. The groom poses next to the bride. Photographs are then taken, in which insincerity is written plain for all to see. These photographs will later be brought out to be shown to others for a whole lifetime—which is indeed the reason for having them taken in the first place. Everyone has to see the kind of wedding the bride had and what kind of dress she wore, and how impressive the groom looked.

On the way to the ceremony, the car carrying the couple is decorated beyond all recognition. Lace and stickers adorn the rear windows, and gold-leafed cardboard letters are arranged on top, representing the bride and groom's initials. Clichéd phrases such as "Just Married" are placed on the licence plate. A plastic baby is often placed on the front of the car, representing the couple's future baby. The families decide long beforehand what the bride and groom will do and where, which answers they will give to whom, when they will smile and when they will cry.

The wedding guests calculate their own best interests. If the son or daughter of any of them is to get engaged or married shortly, the families will pin an expensive gift onto the bride, so that their child will be given something equally expensive when the time comes. Such gifts are attached in the most eye-catching way, in the reception room in full view of everyone. All the guests want to be the star of the occasion. People use videos to record the gift-pinning ceremony. The aim here is to determine who gives what. When the time comes to pin a gift for a similar occasion onto a guest, the aim is for that gift to be only as expensive as that individual's gift. Giving anything better is regarded as plain silly, while giving anything less expensive spells poverty.

Everyone has now done what is expected of them. The guests are happy to have had a free meal. The families are happy at being able to show off and to strike a good deal in the bargain. The bride and groom are tired and stressed. The ceremony of moving from table to table, kissing or shaking hands is now performed. Everyone's eyes are on the couple, who must behave with the greatest care.

Just about everyone at a wedding of the kind described above has similar goals in mind: showing off to others, material calculations and far from sincere behavior requiring everyone's eyes to be on them. Yet very few think about Allah. None of them think of freeing themselves from their preoccupations and remembering Allah, or giving thanks to Him. They do not consider whether their actions will meet with His approval. They are unaware that the money they have spent unnecessarily may be a waste.

The classic attitudes and behavior that Ignorantist society displays at the wedding of a standard-level individual depict their psychology. Of course, some get married in a very different mindset and environment. Various segments of society may have different attitudes towards introductions, preparations for marriage and the ceremonies themselves. Some people meet through the auspices of intermediaries or their families, and others meet their future spouses at university, at work, or through friends. Some marry at ordinary special-purpose halls, while other weddings are held at five-star hotels and are much more showy and magnificent. Some people adopt a more classical and traditional style, and others a more modern European one. To attract attention, some people are careful to do very different and original things.

Yet it's only the location, the décor or the way the couple meets that changes. The important point is that in the society of the ignorant, marriage is practiced with a most distorted logic. Marriage is not the formal joining of two people who love and respect one another, but has become an odd institution in which hundreds of ignorant customs and peculiar ceremonies are held, based on show and calculations of self-interest and adorned with insincere and hypocritical behavior.

No matter what their cultural or social status, when it comes to marriage, the fundamental logic, attitudes and psychology of members of the Religion of the Ignorant are exactly the same in terms of show, expectations and self-interest. They implement to the letter the mentality revealed in the verse:

Indeed, since there is no place in Ignorantism for such concepts as observing the approval of Allah, maintaining the bounds set by Him and living in the manner He has set out, all that remains is the path of Earthly desires, wants, passions and greed. Though the forms and methods may change, the mentality remains the same.

After Marriage

The distorted mentality dealt with in the preceding pages persists after the wedding. The bride and groom experience the first pangs of regret when they see each other on the morning after the wedding. Since they have generally not seen each other in that state before, they already begin to repel one another. As they begin living together in the same house, they witness each other's peculiar habits and abnormalities of which they were hitherto unaware. The person who was once so splendid in their eyes begins to lose value, and that soon leads to cooler relations between them. As time passes, these negative emotions they harbor towards one another increase. Since the idea of love between them is superficial, they soon see that the emotions they believed to be love have turned into an enforced familiarity.

For the first few months, husband and wife try not to let these feelings show and to get on with one another, in order not to let down appearances. But as time passes, they begin to lose respect, to be coarse, offensive, intolerant and thoughtless, behaving in such a way as to make it clear they have fallen out with each other. However, they try not to let on to those around them. Nonetheless, everyone is actually well aware of the situation, and this phenomenon is regarded as a natural process. An interesting indication of this is the way that the first days of marriage are called the honeymoon. Clearly the honeymoon will soon come to an end, and years full of exasperation, trouble and even conflict will begin.

As the marriage moves on, general problems such as children and making ends meet, and the psychology problems these engender, come to dominate. Constant tension and limited relations between the members of the household are experienced. Money is a constant subject of argument. Matters such as control and jealousy between husband and wife give rise to tension and conflict. The man constantly talks about work, he never listens to his wife and constantly watches the television and is uninterested in or bad-tempered toward their children. This constitutes the natural climate of the household.

Untidiness generally prevails. Little attention is paid to cleanliness. That is why married people do not want their homes to be seen under normal conditions. The furniture, accessories, tablecloths etc. in the house are arranged not for the comfort of those living there, but in order to be appreciated by others. A separate room is set aside for guests. Those living in the house do not generally use that part of the house used for show. The most expensive and best-quality items in the house are exhibited there for the benefit of guests. No doubt, it is a great virtue for a person to get ready for her guests, to try to make them feel comfortable. However, as indicated before, for people living by the morality of ignorantism, the purpose behind preparing a special room for guests is not to make them feel comfortable but rather to show off.

Untidiness generally prevails. Little attention is paid to cleanliness. That is why married people do not want their homes to be seen under normal conditions. The furniture, accessories, tablecloths etc. in the house are arranged not for the comfort of those living there, but in order to be appreciated by others. A separate room is set aside for guests. Those living in the house do not generally use that part of the house used for show. The most expensive and best-quality items in the house are exhibited there for the benefit of guests. No doubt, it is a great virtue for a person to get ready for her guests, to try to make them feel comfortable. However, as indicated before, for people living by the morality of ignorantism, the purpose behind preparing a special room for guests is not to make them feel comfortable but rather to show off.

Apart from the house, the children are the main element of display. Indeed, there is an enormous distortion in the attitude towards children right from the outset. Mother and father imagine that they own their children, as if they had given them life. Nobody thinks that it is really Allah Who creates and is the true Lord of everything. Parents who assume ownership of their children then begin frequently referring to how intelligent or attractive their children are, and boast of the fact, as if their children's beauty or intelligence actually stemmed from them. They even take credit for any positive features in their children by saying, "Of course he takes after me." This showing off by means of the children increases as time passes. The schools they attend, their circle of friends and the places they visit are all described to everyone. In addition to boasting through one's children, the custom of making them the sole purpose and meaning of one's life is also widespread among families of the Religion of the Ignorant.

Some parents regard their children as their sole reason for living, and claim that they have devoted their entire lives to preparing a better future for them. The fact is, however, that the sole aim of every human life is to serve Allah. Life is to be devoted solely to Allah. Caring for one's children is a form of religious observance to be performed solely for His approval.

Women's entire lives are focused on the aim of getting married. From earliest childhood, this objective is held up as the most important goal in life. Girls regulate their weight, clothes, education, tastes and acquaintances in the hope of an advantageous marriage. A great many girls go to university to "find a husband," because an educated husband, especially a successful one, is seen as a guarantee in life. In her dreams, a young girl establishes a model husband who will maintain, protect and watch over her, and so spends her youth looking for him. The fact is, however, as revealed in the Qur'an, that it is Allah, and Him only Who feeds and protects people, and Who is worthy of one's hopes of assistance.

Within this logic, marriage ceases to be a legitimate manner of expressing love between two people and turns into an institution—by which name it is often referred to. The lovelessness, lack of respect and behavioral defects that soon arise give couples the feeling that they have made a mistake. Yet unless they turn to Allah and act in compliance with the morality of the Qur'an, there is now generally no turning back. Even if there were, that would be no solution. Just like marriage itself, divorce will take place according to the requirements of Ignorantism, and the life that follows will be led according to those same requirements.

If an error is to be found, it needs to sought not in isolated events, but in the false philosophy underneath them, on which the entire distorted system is erected, and which leads people to unhappiness, disappointment and loss in every situation—in other words, in the Religion of the Ignorant itself.

"Marriage" in the Religion of Ignorance